Help for Healing

Bitter & Sweet, living daily with grief


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It was quite a weekend.  Saturday, I found myself acting out a pattern I have become aware of.  When a date is approaching that I think might be difficult, I usually have a few melt downs the week before.  Then on the actual day, it usually goes smoothly.  Conversely, when I don’t anticipate something being difficult, I usually get slammed on that day and shocked by my intense emotions.

I know October is hard and I knew October 14 would be tough.  So on Saturday the 13th, I had the worst of it.  I cried about a zillion times that day.  Sometimes mini-ones, sometimes full scale sobbing.  On and off all day.  I had lots of people around who took me to lunch, brought me presents, gave me hugs, held me when I needed it.  I cried anyway, but I definitely wasn’t alone.

Sunday the 14th ended up being a glorious day.  Dave (my 10 year old) had decided to go door to door and offer to rake leaves for money.  He came back with $12 and handed it to me.  He almost always gives me his money and we put it in the “hockey envelope” to help pay all the expenses that come with the sport.  He told me that this $12 was to help me pay the taxes.  I was a little confused but then remembered the tax bill was sitting out on the counter for a couple of days before I filed it.  I thanked him for being so thoughtful but told him the taxes were paid and we would put the money towards his hockey stuff.  He said “Well, if the taxes are paid, then you need to keep that money to get something for yourself.”    Just when I think he’s a hopeless punk, he goes and does something like this.  I started to cry a little and he was like “Really mom, you don’t need to cry about this.”   He’s a GREAT kid.

Later, a few friends came over for the “Rebirth-day Party”.  One of my devious and delightful friends had gotten in touch with everyone who came and they chipped in to buy a cherry tree.  Cherries were Tim’s favorite fruit.  They planted it in the back yard for us.  I shed a couple tears again, just because I was overwhelmed by how thoughtful and kind my friends are.  And because I am so damned lucky to have to many amazing people in my life.  (Now I just have to make sure I don’t kill the tree… LOL)

Quite a weekend.  More of the bitter and sweet theme, but overwhelmingly on the sweet side.

Author: Help for Healing

My name is Darcy Thiel. What people say they appreciate most about me is my genuine nature. I utilize my professional and personal experiences to increase my understanding and compassion to help others. My career has many faces, so let me tell you about a few. I am a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in NY State and am a couple and family therapist. As an Adult Planning Specialist and End of Life Doula, I take my experiences with my parents’ and husband's illnesses and passing to help others navigate the crazy, complicated medical world we live in. This dovetails with the books I have written. Bitter and Sweet: A Family’s Journey with Cancer, the prequel to Life After Death, on This Side of Heaven is an honest and raw perspective on coping with the diagnosis and subsequent loss of Tim, my spouse. I have done extensive speaking on the above topics through live audiences, radio shows, and an occasional TV spot. For more information, see my websites at,, or Copyright Help for Healing by Darcy Thiel © 2012-2019. All rights reserved.

One thought on “Thankfulness

  1. I dunno whats up…Cannot send u a message…maybe b/c i have a Mac?

    Date: Thu, 18 Oct 2012 14:27:44 +0000 To:

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