Help for Healing

Bitter & Sweet, living daily with grief

Empty Head


Its blog day.  My mind is blank.  No particular cute inspirations.  Maybe I’ll just talk about my day.

5:45 AM  wake up, even though I don’t need to for another two hours.  Decide to get up, go thru my piles of things I didn’t do yesterday and get organized for the day.

7:30  AM back to bed cause I have a bad head cold, even though its now time for me to get up

8:15 AM  up to make sure my son gets on the bus ok;  start those annoying phone calls;  can’t get through to the bank to set up online banking;  try for the 12th time to get thru for my son’s health insurance; on hold, on hold; now late for work; told to get a paper that doesn’t exist or he’ll lose his insurance; I remind the poor girl on the other end that my husband has died and I’m now a single mom who has to work for a living; I’m trying to be cooperative but I’ve sent the paperwork in three times now and now you want me to get another paper that doesn’t even exist yet; while I am talking I realize that BOTH my home and office calculators no longer work

9:50 AM start my counseling session that was SUPPOSED to start at 9:30

10:45 AM  start my meeting to work on the book that was SUPPOSED to start at 10:30; snap at Brigette, the most loyal and patient assistant, friend, business partner in the whole world, just because I don’t like the information we are dealing with;  I just want to write a book;  I have no idea what I am reading with regard to contracts, wholesale vs. whatever, cream vs. white paper, dozens of charts that are like Greek to me

1:00 PM  lunch with an old friend;  yea!  I try not to look like the harried, stressed widow that I am

2:15 PM stop by the cemetery;  kneel at the stone and wonder “Will I ever not wish that I could turn back time?  Will I ever say to myself that life is good, maybe even great?  Will I ever stop saying I don’t like life the way it is now and I want Tim back?”

2:25 PM drive by my old church and see my former minister walking in the parking lot; pang of sadness;  miss him and the whole place terribly as does my son;  Why couldn’t we fix things between us?

3:00 PM walk the dog and piss off a walker because I’m not holding the leash and my dog startles her.  Would that stand up in court?  Well your honor, the sign says dogs must be leashed.  It didn’t say I had to hold on to the leash!

4:00 PM greet my son off the bus and wonder how I am going to muster the motivation to look at his planner and go over his homework.  I am ready for bed instead.  I am drinking a “whisky slinger”=  whiskey and hot water.  Supposedly an old trick for curing head colds.  Tastes terrible but I suspect it will knock me out.  Can’t hurt to try I guess.

I didn’t mention a few dozen other things like stopping to get my phone fixed.  I still have two loads of laundry, dinner, and a pile of paperwork ahead of me tonite.

But no pity party.  Everyone I know is busy like this.  Everyone I know works full time, balances the kids, and has to try and eat and exercise too.  Life is not exceptionally hard for me.  Its just life.  No one is picking on me.  Yes, there is that fleeting moment of “Yea, but I am also grieving.”  Its true, I am.  And not everyone I know is going through that.  But I also am not without electricity or food.  I am not covered in water or homeless.  Its all in your perspective I guess 🙂

P.S.  Thanks Brigette- for the cough drops, inhaler, vicks, whiskey and the chocolate.  How lucky am I?


Author: Help for Healing

My name is Darcy Thiel. What people say they appreciate most about me is my genuine nature. I utilize my professional and personal experiences to increase my understanding and compassion to help others. My career has many faces, so let me tell you about a few. I am a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in NY State and am a couple and family therapist. As an Adult Planning Specialist and End of Life Doula, I take my experiences with my parents’ and husband's illnesses and passing to help others navigate the crazy, complicated medical world we live in. This dovetails with the books I have written. Bitter and Sweet: A Family’s Journey with Cancer, the prequel to Life After Death, on This Side of Heaven is an honest and raw perspective on coping with the diagnosis and subsequent loss of Tim, my spouse. I have done extensive speaking on the above topics through live audiences, radio shows, and an occasional TV spot. For more information, see my websites at,, or Copyright Help for Healing by Darcy Thiel © 2012-2019. All rights reserved.

2 thoughts on “Empty Head

  1. Yes, I have to agree that we all have days that start off frustrating. Sometimes, things don’t seem to get any better through the course of the day. it just seems like you have more to do for the next day. But if I had to add the grief piece on top of it I think it would put me over the edge on days like that. So it sounds like you are well grounded and have people close to you that are looking out for you. It is okay to lean on others when you have a day like today and if those people near you love you like it sounds like they do they will have the patience and understanding for the two of you. It sounds to me like they are just as lucky to have you in their life as you are to have them in yours.

  2. EMPTY HEAD!??…or a HEAD full of a COLD?.. I catch your drift and have a 14 yr old. and a 4 yr. old….alone. I am not grieving—but I am alone much of the time. The truth is that it’s hard to be a single parent. When U feel sick or tired…there is no one there to pick up the care–but YOU. I hope have family and friends close by who can help you out w/ David if You get Really sick. I don’t have family out here and remember days…I just waited…& couldn’t wait for my children to get to sleep …so I could. We are on 1 income and it’s hard- like You-if you don’t work…you don’t make $$. …Thing that is weird to me (in my situation of divorce)…For some reason people “look down” on the single parent. Don’t think if they had an understanding – they would/should look down…They should look UP and admire the perseverance we have and the love we have for our children..The fight we have in our hearts to give them the same as 2 parent households have. I cannot imagine you having to do that and grieve…You should be proud of yourself…as always! Love You Darci…xoxo -rose

    Date: Thu, 8 Nov 2012 21:25:16 +0000 To:

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