It’s another blog day and again my head feels empty of any creative ideas. Just like last week.
So maybe I’ll write about writing.
Part of the inspiration for writing “Bitter and Sweet, A Family’s Journey with Cancer”, is because people said it was helpful for them to understand what it is like to go through such ordeals. There are so many things that happen that you just don’t think about, but it makes sense when you hear them. One example is when I realized that I kept running out of clean clothes and couldn’t figure out why. Then it finally hit me that there was one less adult contributing to the pile every day. So waiting til there was a full load like I’ve done for the last 12 years doesn’t work anymore.
Writing a book is something that I had no idea about. I just buy a book when I want one. I imagined that the hard part is writing the book, but had no concept about anything else that is required to get the book on the shelf.
Now, if you wanna sell, you gotta blog. And blog regularly. So sometimes you have to be creative on demand. But even that isn’t the hardest part for me. It’s all the publishing and marketing stuff. Its like a big, big set of dominoes. All the parts are lined up, but you can’t do anything until the first step falls and then everything else floods in.
First, there was incorporating. I had to establish an LLC. Didn’t even know what one was. Then I had to open a business account. Also new. Then I had to sign up with two different publishing companies. I haven’t even started on the second one. The first one? Well, lets just say every single step of the way I get overwhelmed and have these child-like tantrums where I say “Forget it, its just too hard.” Filling out step one of the application on line required two phone calls to the bank, and two phone calls to the accountant, and a few SOS messages to the publishing lawyer. That was step one. From what I can tell, there are about four thousand more steps.
After it is all said and done, it isn’t so bad. But the initial panic kills me. I’m not sure if its just who I am, or it is still part of “grief brain syndrome.” I believe whole heartedly in growth of every kind and I can’t imagine ever not learning anymore. And yet, I have those child-like tantrums regularly where I say I just don’t want to learn any more new information. Disk is full. No more storage space available.
Truth is, in spite of being a Type A personality times 10 for most of my life, I would have quit and given up long ago. The only reason I haven’t is Brigette. She works with me full time on this endeavor. And she is paid on commission so that means… she works full time for free. She has the patience of a saint. She just sits quietly while I freak out several times a day and have the tantrums. Then she does research and unravels it all and we tackle the list one item at a time. Then she babbles on about how amazing this book is and how ridiculously successful its gonna be.
I hope she’s right. More and more, I hope she’s right. Not so much for my sake anymore, but for hers. Writing a book is a gamble, a great big one. You give your heart and soul and time and energy, and you have no idea if it will even sell. So for Brigette’s sake, I hope it does. I hope to make her a millionaire, because she deserves it.