So it’s Frankie’s birthay and I’m doing the yardwork to prepare and I step on a small but deadly piece of wood. Had to call 911 and then go to the emergency room. It was stuck in my foot for a couple of hours before they could remove it. I was like the local freak show. People kept stopping in to ask if they could look because it was so bizarre. Nails go in two inches all the time, I’m sure. The problem was that the wood was still attached, and as you can see by the x-ray, there were about 5 other rusty nails sticking out too. When they tried to do anything, they risked puncturing me again.
Eventually they got it out. I won’t even try to describe the pain. I missed about an hour of Frankie’s birthday party but my ya-yas had pulled everything together like they usually do. By the next night my foot was infected and I was back in the emergency room. A big fat shot in the butt later, I am on the mend. I had to include the picture because just saying I stepped on a nail doesn’t quite describe it.
The interesting thing, is that this event catapulted a whole bunch of dynamics in my life with different people. When I went to see Ellen, my spiritual director, I walked into the office already crying. Took me awhile to compose myself before I could even talk. It’s too hard to describe the process of spiritual direction so I won’t even try, but eventually I ended up in the treatment room.
She said the image she got related to my foot, which of course wasn’t surprising. She talked about how the foot is the foundation, and my foundation had literally been punctured. A puncture wound is harsh. It’s not like a sprain, but a bit more violent sounding and feeling. My foundation had been turned around, like the earth was in the sky and the sky was on the earth.
It was a tough conversation in many ways while I tried to get a grip on what she was talking about. I knew when I walked in that I felt like I was spilled all over the place and needed to be regrouped and put back together. One of the things that we finally came to was a conversation about who I am in the world. Who I want to be, my primary purpose. Bottom line? I want to be a positive force in the world, someone who is part of the solution and not the problem. As corny as it sounds, I want the world to be a better place because I’ve been in it. My starting place is in the home raising my family. Then the circles keep widening after that.
So I need to not lose that focus somehow. And I need to surround myself with people who understand my vision, support it, bring out the best in me. And all of that is grounded in the foundation of the understanding that ultimately it is about God’s love that breathes life into it. I’m still struggling, but I’m trying to flip the foundation back, slowing letting the wound heal.