Help for Healing

Bitter & Sweet, living daily with grief

Full of Thanks and Practicing What You Preach

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So I wrote a book and have been out there speaking publicly for several months now about how life is full of paradoxes and conflicting feelings that occur at the same time. I believe that with all of my heart. And yet when it happens to me,I still get caught off guard.

For the last three years, I have visited the cemetery. I’m not big on the cemetery necessarily, but I try and go and keep up with different holiday decorations for Tim’s plot. For three years I have been “saying hello” to Tim and then I kiss my fingers and touch the headstone. I almost always say, “Bye Baby. It hasn’t happened yet.”  What I mean by that is, that I keep waiting for the time in my life when I can see how my life has actually gotten better because of everything we’ve been through. I wait for when I feel somehow like the past is behind me.

Lately, I have been changing the flavor of my blogs. Lately, I have been saying when I leave, “I think it’s finally happening..” And it has been. Spring has sprung, but it just has happened in the winter months instead.

I am here in Georgia with my daughter Emily and her family. I have been eating up my grandkids with every ounce of love I have. I was even able to buy my granddaughter Aubry her first little bike while I was here. We leave later today and I will try hard not to cry. I make my grandson Parker cry when I do, so I don’t want to do that to him today.

Life is full of new and wonderful things. My book cover won first place in a contest this month. Yea for our talented graphic artist! Great things are happening.

That is why I was surprised that I could feel all the excitement of all these things, and found myself trying to be alone in a room so no one would see me cry. It is impossible with kids around. Both Parker and Aubry found me quick as a rabbit and asked in their cute, sweet voices “Grammy, are you hurt?” Straightened me up lickety-split.

I’m not sure why I’ve been like this. I have some ideas, but overall I’m frustrated that I can’t control my heart more. Sometimes little things happen that don’t go as planned, especially during holidays. I have these little fantasies about how they are going to go because I’m so sentimental and when things don’t go that way, my spirit can get crushed so easily. Not a part of me I am very fond of.

It hit me that the best way to describe it, would be if I were in town and went to the cemetery today, I would kiss the stone and say “I’m not quite there. Just not quite there.”

But I am definitely on my way. Life is definitely good and full of promise. It’s just not perfect. But what do I preach all the time? That’s ok. The glass is half empty and half full. So if you are lonely or sad today, it’s ok. Have your feelings, but know there is still much to be grateful for. Love all you guys like crazy!

Author: helpforhealing

My name is Darcy Thiel. What people say they appreciate most about me is my genuine nature. I utilize my professional and personal experiences to increase my understanding and compassion to help others. My career has many faces, so let me tell you about a few. I am a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in NY State and am a couple and family therapist in West Seneca, New York. Also, as an Aging Life Care Manager, I take my life experiences with my mother and husband's illnesses and passing combined with over a decade of assisting a dad with Parkinson’s, to help others navigate the crazy, complicated medical world we live in. This dovetails with the books I have written. Bitter and Sweet: A Family’s Journey with Cancer, the prequel to Life After Death, on This Side of Heaven are an honest and raw perspective on coping with the diagnosis and subsequent loss of Tim, my spouse. I have also done extensive speaking on the above topics through live audiences, radio shows, and even an occasional TV spot. For more information, see my websites at www.marriageandfamilycounseling.net, www.babycooppublishing.com, or www.darcythiel.com. Copyright Help for Healing by Darcy Thiel © 2012-2018. All rights reserved.

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