Help for Healing

Bitter & Sweet, living daily with grief

Greeting Cards

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Another absolute hit-the-nail-on-the-head greeting card. This one came from Brigette and it was written by Linda Barnes.

“They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
Well, what if you didn’t sign up for extra-strength training?
What if you’d rather catch a few breaks once in a while?
Is that so much to ask?
At some point, you’d think you’d be entitled to a free pass or two:
Skip this challenge.
Avoid that crisis.
Delete those problems.
It’s not that you’re not strong or that you don’t have what it takes to get through this.
You are, you do, and you will.
But you’ve built enough character already, and it’s time for things to lighten up a little!
I know it’s not really my call, but if I were in charge of life’s wheel of fortune, you’d get a free spin.
And I’d be right there, cheering you on!”

Love, love, love it. I don’t think I’m entitled to less pain than anyone else. I read this once in a book and I try to remember it: Instead of asking why me, how about why not me?

I met with my clients this week that lost their dad last month. I blogged about them earlier. I listened as this young man struggled through the “What did I do to deserve this?” phase. At 25, his mom abandoned him at 5, his dad dies at 25. In between he has lost both of his grandparents and two uncles. I didn’t have a lot to say other than I promised him I wouldn’t say a bunch of crap that wasn’t true to try and make him feel better. I promised to walk the journey with him and probably shed a few of my own tears because I miss his dad too.

Yesterday I spent all day at my uncle’s funeral. It was an hour and 20 minute drive for me. It was a mixture of watching familiar family dynamics, reminiscing about my really young childhood days, and just being angry that I am averaging one funeral a month.

During my evening sessions, I found that “Blue for Ben” passed away last night. For those of you who don’t live in western NY, he is a beautiful little boy who just had his 5th birthday last week. The entire community has rallied behind the family in their battle. The city will be in mourning.

This morning, I texted a friend at 7:30 AM and said, “Well, no funerals today. It’s gotta be a better one, right?” By 9:00 AM I texted them back and said “Scratch yet. I just found out my client’s step-son committed suicide.” I talked with her and tried to support her. I felt terribly guilty having to say I couldn’t attend the wake or funeral. I just can’t manage another one in my schedule. Mostly though, I just can’t handle it emotionally. So much death and loss and dying and sadness. I hate it when I let people down because everyone was there for me when Tim died. Everyone. I hate when I can’t pay it forward.

If you believe in the Law of Attraction, I wonder why I keep attracting death.

But you know I’m a big believer in balancing the bitter with the sweet. So honestly, it rings a little hollow at this exact moment, but the truth is I’m still blessed beyond belief. I have lots of loving friends and family. I’m not sick. My kids are great. My daughter released her book and it’s wonderful. The pool is getting opened today and the hot tub is ready. Those are luxuries most people don’t have.

So I promise I will keep trying every day, as many times a day as necessary, to be truthfully present and face whatever heartaches there are as bravely as I can face them. And I promise to remember all the good and beautiful there is in life and with all sincerity know how lucky I am.

Author: helpforhealing

My name is Darcy Thiel. What people say they appreciate most about me is my genuine nature. I utilize my professional and personal experiences to increase my understanding and compassion to help others. My career has many faces, so let me tell you about a few. I am a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in NY State and am a couple and family therapist in West Seneca, New York. Also, as an Aging Life Care Manager, I take my life experiences with my mother and husband's illnesses and passing combined with over a decade of assisting a dad with Parkinson’s, to help others navigate the crazy, complicated medical world we live in. This dovetails with the books I have written. Bitter and Sweet: A Family’s Journey with Cancer, the prequel to Life After Death, on This Side of Heaven are an honest and raw perspective on coping with the diagnosis and subsequent loss of Tim, my spouse. I have also done extensive speaking on the above topics through live audiences, radio shows, and even an occasional TV spot. For more information, see my websites at www.marriageandfamilycounseling.net, www.babycooppublishing.com, or www.darcythiel.com. Copyright Help for Healing by Darcy Thiel © 2012-2018. All rights reserved.

One thought on “Greeting Cards

  1. And blessed as we are also blessed by you, Darcy! ♡

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