Help for Healing

Bitter & Sweet, living daily with grief

Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is

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I have been lecturing on death/dying/end of life planning for four years now. As my dad has been going through medical issues, I find myself on the other end of that conversation. I hear doctors and nurses say things almost verbatim to the things I have said myself many times over. But it has been a good wake-up lesson for me to have it be so personal again. It’s been a while since the information has been so relevant and in my face.

A few weeks ago when Dad was in the hospital, we had to make some decisions. I have been anticipating this moment for at least a year, maybe longer. Yet somehow, I felt shock, blind-sided, unprepared. It was strongly reminiscent of what I felt when Tim passed. I had been at his side for months, thinking I was ready for the moment when he would go. But when they announced his death, I felt my knees literally buckle underneath me. I was shocked. How was that possible? Yet it was the definite reality I lived.

Dad made a decision to go palliative a few weeks ago. It totally makes sense. It’s a rational, reasonable decision. He has Parkinson’s, a degenerative disease that only gets worse. There is no getting better. After seven hospitalizations in 14 months, there will be no more tests, procedures, labs, hospitals, etc.. The decision was made through a very teary-eyed conversation between myself, my sister, and the nurse practitioner. She did an excellent job, just like I would have done in that position. She told us that Dad had spared us making tough decisions but clearly making his wishes known in his MOLST form. It was end of life planning working exactly the way it was supposed to.

Then why the hell is it so hard?

Now don’t get me wrong. Dad does not appear to be in the active stages of dying. But he is ready to when the time comes and wants quality of life until then. He could be around for a long time, no one knows.

My sister and I took him to see his dermatologist yesterday. We updated her on what has been happening. When we were ready to leave, she cried. She apologized if she was upsetting us but I told her it always feels good to know other people love Dad too.  He has a great team of doctors that have taken years to gather together.

Again, my point is just this. While I talk about this “stuff” quite frequently, it is still hard to face when it isn’t just concepts we are talking about, but someone I love dearly. It renews my passion again to help people think about these concepts before they are in the middle of crisis. It’s hard enough to do with preparation! I’m starting the process of figuring out my next career move but I know it is going to have something to do with helping people on this journey.

Author: helpforhealing

My name is Darcy Thiel. What people say they appreciate most about me is my genuine nature. I utilize my professional and personal experiences to increase my understanding and compassion to help others. My career has many faces, so let me tell you about a few. I am a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in NY State and am a couple and family therapist in West Seneca, New York. Also, as an Aging Life Care Manager, I take my life experiences with my mother and husband's illnesses and passing combined with over a decade of assisting a dad with Parkinson’s, to help others navigate the crazy, complicated medical world we live in. This dovetails with the books I have written. Bitter and Sweet: A Family’s Journey with Cancer, the prequel to Life After Death, on This Side of Heaven are an honest and raw perspective on coping with the diagnosis and subsequent loss of Tim, my spouse. I have also done extensive speaking on the above topics through live audiences, radio shows, and even an occasional TV spot. For more information, see my websites at www.marriageandfamilycounseling.net, www.babycooppublishing.com, or www.darcythiel.com. Copyright Help for Healing by Darcy Thiel © 2012-2018. All rights reserved.

One thought on “Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is

  1. Darcy, very well said,. My heart goes out to you and your family – so hard to make those tough decisions. What a gift Dad made them for you!

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