Help for Healing

Bitter & Sweet, living daily with grief


2 Comments

Confusion and COVID19

Perhaps many of you have already seen this, but take three minutes to review this or watch it for the first time.

I haven’t seen anything that reflects what I have been thinking about and experiencing as accurately as this video does. I am already not a news follower, but if ever there is a time to shut off the information, it is now. I find that the biggest and most relevant news out there I hear through conversations with people. I get what I need to know, but avoid the overwhelming amount of bad news. I also avoid banging my head on the wall because of trying to sort out the truth with all the conflicting information.

I think almost every statement in that video clip is something I have heard. But I’m not telling you anything new. My point is not to alert people to the fact that there is confusing information bombarding us.

My point is this:

With so much confusion, how can so many people feel like they know exactly the proper way to respond to this?

I have heard so many people speak with great authority about their opinions. They have lots to say about those that do not agree with their assessment. It has caused tension and has bruised relationships. The media never lies. The media always lies. I’m listening to the government. I’m listening to the Department of Health. I’m not making any changes. I am taking extreme precautions.

And every position between those polar opposites.

Could we be a little kinder to each other? We don’t have any research or data on the last three pandemics America has been through to offer the best practices to deal with this. The fact is, none of us know for certain how to best handle this. None of us. And the facts- the numbers- aren’t even facts. I can give you more than one frightening example of ways numbers have been skewed. Of course, that implies my sources know the truth. See what I mean? Why speak out when you can’t be certain of anything?

Let’s all just do the best we can. Make the most responsible decision for yourself and others based on your understanding of what needs to be done. Give it a real and honest effort. Don’t be lazy and don’t be selfish. But after that, don’t judge anyone else either.

Personally, I watch my clients who are nurses caring for COVID patients the most closely. I’ve known them for years and I’ve known their ethics and sense of personal responsibility. I also know they would cut off a limb or give their life for their children they think are the most precious gift of their lives. Whatever precautions they take to protect their own families is what I trust. That makes sense to me in my heart of hearts.

But that’s just me. You should do what you should do. And I respect that.


3 Comments

Back to Music Roots

I have a thumb drive in my car with all my music on it. It is, of course, organized by genre, and then alphabetically by artist, then by song. I happen to be on my Christian music files and I have to believe that it is not by coincidence. I find I’m needing the tunes and the songs as I greatly miss the spiritually fufilling act of singing.

It is usually also a walk down memory lane. In my conservative days, I loved Steve Green and Sandi Patty. They have highly trained voices. I was able to meet Steve Green when I was in college. Many years ago, I was able to meet Sandi Patty. Both of them were my “conservative Christian music” idols.

I’m enclosing a link to one of my most favorite songs. It is a duet with Sandi Patty and Darnell Harris. I love the words, but the music and harmony give me chills every time I hear it. Once I was able to sing it in church. I can’t even remember who I sang it with, but it was like a dream come true. We did a good job, but I guarantee it was nothing like the recording. I mean NOTHING.

I listened today as I sat in a drive-thru line. I tried to sing along but I am so terribly rusty. I had goosebumps though. Then I listened to it again silently and soaked it in. I had goosebumps again, from head to toe.

Now that I found the link for this blog, I just listened to it again. Goosebumps, from start to finish. And this time I cried.

My soul is so thirsty with this pandemic. My extrovert needs are starving. We just got a piano in our house today that we rescued from the garbage down the street. I’m going to start playing every day and I’m going to start with the Christian music I have.

I believe all music comes from God, but this kind of music is feeding me the most.

Sandi Patty also has a song that says, “We love to lift our voices Lord, because every time we do, we’re singing Your song to You.”

Singing is deeply spiritual to me and I’m so grateful that it came to me today. I needed it desperately.


3 Comments

What is There to Say in a Pandemic?

I saw a really cute graphic that had two cartoons side by side. One said “introvert” and it had a stick person sitting comfortably in front of a TV/computer thing. The other had “extrovert” and the stick person was screaming and beating their head on a wall.

Even though I am a writer, I am an extrovert. Well, that is an understatement. I am an extrovert times a hundred. Even a beautiful sunset means little to me until I share it with another human. For years I thought there was something wrong with me, but now I understand it is just how I breathe.

That is my biggest struggle with the situation we are living in. I do what I can to refuel but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t difficult. Thank God I am still able to do Physical Therapy. I get my temp taken and wear a mask. I’ve grown very fond of my therapist. She works me hard and gives me a lot of her time. She also has a sense of humor. When she asks me to walk backward and then forgets to tell me to stop and I run into a chair, she laughs with me. I asked another patient to tell me when to stop and she agreed. She said Nancy is clearly out to get me.

I also started going down my database (starting with “A” as a true OCD) and checking out accuracy on businesses and then connecting with friends, family, and clients. I hadn’t talked to my college pals in years. We are doing a Zoom reunion tomorrow night. More than one person called me a bright spot in the gloom so that felt great. I’m only on the letter “F” so we’ll see how far I’ll get before we are “released.”

But I have to admit, combined with the five weeks of almost-quarantine after surgery that occurred before COVID19, it is starting to get to me. I wake up with the Groundhog Day feeling so many others have. I find myself blocking video on Zoom business meetings because I start to tear up without warning. It’s not usually full out crying, but I do shed a drop or two. Or three.

Even when dealing with crisis/emergency clients, I wasn’t thinking about the fact that all the outside agencies have also changed their protocols. My normal feeling of competence and the accompanying confidence I’ve developed because of that is wavering on both counts.

And what makes me want to hit my head on the wall harder, is that I’m no worse off than anyone else. Everyone is hit with this. There is no one I can call who isn’t coping themselves. It is almost embarrassing to call anyone, no matter how much they love me, to vent. I don’t want to add to anyone’s already over-burdened lives.

It just occurred to me that even though writing is an introverted activity, it is also a source of venting and purging. So whoever reader you are, thanks for entertaining my feelings. And I think for today I will imagine there are lots of readers, even if there is not even one. I will let myself feel like I’ve connected to many and hope that puts a bit of substance back in my gas tank.

Thinking of all of you as you journey through this.