Help for Healing

Bitter & Sweet, living daily with grief


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Covid Restrictions

This blog is NOT about any controversial views of what restrictions are or are not appropriate. I have chosen to stay out of all that and will continue to. This is simply about my sporadic (and unpredictable) near panic attacks when I am suddenly hit by the state of affairs.

Why things hit me one day and not the next I have no idea. I doubt it’s important anyway.

Before this weekend, the last one I remember was a day in the fall. I made an appointment at the DMV. I pulled in to the plaza to see masked people along the entire side of the building. West Seneca was without electricity. Of course, no one could predict when it would come back on.

I surveyed the folks in line and said to the security guy, “Do you ever feel like you’re in the twilight zone?” He responded with, “Every day.” Just as he said that, two cars made a loud crash. The traffic lights were out so the cars at the lot entrance looked like they were in a maze. I got to my car after calling the police and the labored breathing started. It was too much.

This weekend, David got to play in a hockey game for the first time. Usually, this is the end of the season. This particular rink was very strict. Only one spectator per player. Neither one of us could even enter unless we were together and checked in. The part that I didn’t understand, is why only one? The other rink allows two. This facility is quite large and could have easily fit three spectators per player and still be completely socially distanced compliant. This is hard enough. Why make it harder?

The first rink I went to, every other bench was taped off. This is a usual sight for us now, right? Making sure we sit apart in whatever waiting room you are in. I sat on the back row and some masked parent comes up to the rail and says to me (twice), “You can’t sit there!” She said it louder the second time and another parent told her I was sitting exactly where I was supposed to. She understood but I got no apology. This is when problems happen- when people feel it is their duty to police other people. And they were wrong on top of it.

It has nothing to do with my rights. It’s just that some days I’m barely holding on and then someone increases my anxiety unnecessarily.

But the kicker was in the second rink that was extra strict. I went in and saw the usual blue tape on the benches and sat down. However, after sitting there for a minute, I realized I was in the wrong spot this time.

The blue tape actually showed a small seat that you were allowed to sit in. Those were the only spaces. I don’t know why, but that completely freaked me out. Is this what life is like now? Now we can’t even pick a space on a bench. The space is specified. And of course, they were more than six feet apart. You have to send hand signals to another parent.

I started texting friends the picture and I managed to avoid the panic attack. But I did have a few uncontrolled tears on my cheeks and I had to control my breathing. Later, I found a section without blue tape. I guess whoever was doing it got tired of taping.

And we all socially distanced appropriately without a square spot telling us where to put our butts. I’m grateful that David got to play, especially when he scored a goal in the first 20 seconds of the game. But I have to admit, it was lonely.

Sigh.


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It’s Not Me, Right?

Sometimes it feels like things are so ridiculous, I wonder if I’ve lost my mind. I feel like I live in a world where so many people are consumed and passionate about these crazy things and missing the whole point. Are they serious?

One example from the world outside my immediate setting. Let’s ban Rudolph because of the bullies in it. I happen to think it has an amazing and relevant message, especially for such an “old” movie. You bet there are bullies, even Santa himself. But the “victims” (Rudolph and Hermie) overcome the crap treatment and become heroes. The end of the movie? All the bullies apologize. His dad, Santa… they realize they had behaved wrongly. Amen! What the hell is wrong with that message? Bullying is worth our attention. Focusing on Rudolph? Um… I don’t get it.

Plus, he’s pretty cute!

Overall, I like Frankie’s school, but sometimes I scratch my head. The athletics department is supposed to keep an eye on grades. Big bad on their part this year. Mistake #1, they forgot to notify the parent. Mistake #2, they forgot to notify the teacher. Mistake #3, they forgot to check in DAILY to see if their athlete was staying after. Three huge oops. And they wonder why the warning papers get thrown in the bottom of the gym bag and ignored. Failing academics? I think that is a pretty important thing for them to worry about.

You know what they did focus on? Frankie’s track meets are 6-7 hours long on Saturdays. In between events, they are left to entertain themselves. Now teens have incredible opportunities these days to get into trouble. Frankie found himself doing the worst thing I could imagine. He put on his nerd glasses he got for Christmas, put on his baseball cap backward, tucked in his shorts, and found himself in a dance battle with kids from another school. Unfortunately, he didn’t get video. I was very disappointed because I would have loved to have seen that.

At practice, he got scolded for fooling around between events.

He and his buddy got in the car and he told me what a “rascal” he was. I told him that he better not try to sing either. I assured him and his friend that I would send them more appropriate things to keep themselves occupied. I would send a vape with cannabis oil so they can calm down, a flask with some liquor, and a couple of porn mags so they can sit quietly next time and stay busy. They appreciated the offer.

I don’t know, is it me? There are dozens of other examples, but it just seems to me people are hyped up about the wrong stuff. I wanna hit my head on the wall sometimes. I just hope my kid doesn’t lose his personality because I think he lights up a room when he wants to. Certainly that’s better than hiding in the dark.