Help for Healing

Bitter & Sweet, living daily with grief


1 Comment

Not Fun To Write

This is not a fun blog to write and I’ve been struggling all week with how to word it. Let me start by saying that I do not blog with the intention of airing my dirty laundry, or anyone else’s. I write mostly for two reasons.

  1. Writing helps me to process what is happening in my life. It is for my own mental health.
  2. It appears to help other people process things in their own lives. Being able to identify with someone who is brave enough to voice their inward thoughts and feelings moves them along in their own growth. That is why I say all this work (the books I’ve written, blogs, my career path) are the lemonade I have attempted to make with the lemons I have been handed (mostly the deaths of the people I loved dearly).

Obviously then, the goal is to heal, not to hurt. I am completely aware that when you post anything on the Internet, you are making yourself vulnerable and subject to criticism. I’ve never been a fan of that but I understand it comes with the territory.

What I find disturbing, is when people use my writing to hurt me, or even worse my family. It has come to my attention that “people” (I don’t know who or exactly how many) have been telling my kids that I write awful things about them on my blogs.

The worst part of that is why the hell someone would do that? What motive do they have? It can’t possibly be for the good of my kids. It only hurts them to think the one that cares for them is not actually caring for them. And how could it be good to try to create division in someone’s home? The only motive that makes sense is that that reader doesn’t like me and wants my kids not to like me either. That is selfishness of the worst kind- hurting others for your own “gain” if you could even call it that. Or maybe the reader just wants to hurt me? If so, congrats! Hurting my kids is about the shittiest thing you can do. Any mother knows there is no worse pain than seeing your kids hurt.

What else sucks is that telling my loved ones that I trash them is completely untrue and false. I do write about the struggles of parenthood at times. I do write (rarely) about things my kids do that are hurtful. But the intent is not to bash, it is to learn and grow and heal from. Any parent recognizes the truth in that. When you look at the big picture of my writing, most things are positive when it comes to them.

When I was approached by one of my kids with this idea that I am “negative” about them, I responded with two things.

  1. I reminded them that a couple of years ago I had a SPECT image done of my brain. (Blogged about that, too.) It uncovered that I have “refractory depression” which means lifelong depression and also resistant to treatment. My “negative” slant in life (my ability to identify often with pain) is part of my hard wiring, not part of a plan to hurt the people I love.
  2. I read an excerpt from my PUBLISHED BOOK that spoke to the high heavens about how I feel about them and the deep love I feel for them, proving that I do not go around trashing them. It was obvious to them at that point, that the sources who were feeding them information had completely misrepresented me. Perhaps in the future, they will ask their “sources” to be silent, or maybe they will read for themselves before assuming the gossip is true.

Although I was surprised to even know that many people bother to read my blog, I do have a couple of things to say to those readers who are doing so in order to hurt my family. First, why don’t you contact me personally instead of hurting my kids? Or better yet, why don’t you post comments on my blogs and see what kind of reactions you get? Just because I share my rawest emotions, doesn’t mean it is easy to be that vulnerable for the world to see and criticize. It isn’t. So instead of attacking me behind my back, have the courage to speak up. If you can’t match my bravery, then stand down.

Lastly, shame on you. My family has been through enough heartache. Stop spewing poison. Whatever reasons you think you have, they are not appropriate. Our family may not be perfect, but we are all here together. We have been since Tim died. We have survived and we love each other. LEAVE US ALONE.


5 Comments

Scheduling Blogging

I schedule everything. I have a calendar in the computer that syncs with my phone. I set everything up with repetitive tasks so I don’t forget things. People think I’m very organized, but mostly it’s that I’m very disciplined. I write everything down so it isn’t overlooked. Of course, I’ve scheduled blogging.

I am “supposed” to blog every Thursday. Why did I pick Thursday? No reason in particular I guess. Monday is the throw back into the school and work week so I figured I would try not to schedule extra things on Mondays. Tuesdays I twitter. Wednesdays I post on Facebook. The next day is Thursday so that became blog day. I write my new book Monday through Saturday, giving myself a day of rest on Sunday.

Sound boring and regimented? It really doesn’t bother me most of the time. My systems work for me. The only problem is, sometimes Thursdays come and I don’t know what to write about. Last week I didn’t blog at all. I added it to my list every day until Monday morning and then I just admitted to myself that I wasn’t going to write this week. After all, it is my own self-imposed list. I can decide not to blog for a week, right?

Now it’s Friday and I didn’t blog yesterday. I had a bad grief day (which honestly hasn’t happened in a while) and just couldn’t do it. So I’m sitting down now to write and realize I have three different topics to write about and can’t decide which one. Last week, nothing. This week I can’t decide. Plus, it occurred to me yesterday, that any week I can’t figure out what to blog about, I should just start cutting and pasting excerpts from my new book. I could get your feedback on my writing.

And then I just started typing and this is what I ended up writing about. None of the three topics I have in my head. No excerpts from the book. Just writing about writing. Not real juicy or meaty this time. Sorry. I don’t know if other authors go through any of this process or it’s just my crazy mind. But it’s what THIS author goes through. Hope I didn’t disappoint you too much this week :).