Help for Healing

Bitter & Sweet, living daily with grief

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Sing It Anyways

Thanks for all the love and concern from last week’s blog. And it may seem odd to say, but thank you to everyone who was able to be angry with us and for us. Pushing us to get over it was not helpful and it certainly was too soon. I don’t have a great update. Basically, there is nothing we can do because the laws are geared to help perps and not victims. We will have to cough up four grand to get a privacy fence if we want to continue to live here. We have had serious conversations as a family about moving, but for now the fence will have to do. I don’t think we could sell the house anyway without the fence because it is too obvious of an issue.

I considered last week’s blog a memo to the universe that we are done handling hard stuff here. Someone didn’t read it though because I got a call yesterday from my doctor’s office. The nurse informed me that I suddenly have full blown diabetes and need to make immediate changes for this life-long disease. What? Out of the blue? Obviously, they didn’t get the memo. However, due to a bunch of reasons I don’t want to take the time to write, I requested another test which I took this morning. Results will be in next week. I have legit reasons to suspect the test results they got might not have been accurate. I have postponed panic until the next set of results. (By the way, it is NOT helpful to tell people they just need to improve their diet or that diabetes isn’t a big deal. ESPECIALLY for those of us that have already been spent on handling ridiculous amounts of stress and loss. There is no simple life-long disease when you are already at the end of your rope.)

But the good news? Well, I am in a show that is opening tonight. It’s all music from Broadway shows. Last week I was quite panicked about it. I didn’t know how I could possibly get up on stage and sing and smile and be entertaining. I could barely function. I felt empty inside. I just told myself that it would have to be like all of those times I have to pull up my big girl pants and conduct counseling sessions. I just do it. I just have to. And most of the time, it ends up being as good for me as it is for my clients.

Three rehearsal nights this week, then three performances. Six out of seven days. How was I going to pull that off with all that other stress?

Turns out, it has been the best thing for me. You can’t really sing and stay down. It’s just not possible. Music feeds my soul. By the way, theater people (for the most part) are also extremely funny and entertaining to be around. Spending so much time there immersed in music has been healing for me. Or at the least, an excellent distraction from neighbors that hurt us and brand new diseases to learn all about.

I only get my parts right slightly more than half the time. So you should come see it. Either you will be impressed with yet another thing I can do, or you will get to laugh your ass off at me when I’m the only one that raises the wrong hand and then freaks out and makes it even more obvious that I screwed up. I already have my comedic lines ready for my duet in case I totally blow that one too. It’s in East Aurora at Hamlin Park, tonight and tomorrow at 8 pm, Sunday at 2:30. Come and forget about the tough stuff for a while.