Help for Healing

Bitter & Sweet, living daily with grief


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To Err is Human…

Last week I got a call from a nurse at my doctor’s office. She isn’t the nurse I normally like to talk with. I prefer not to. There is another nurse at the office I usually interact with. Now she can actually make me mad, but I don’t mind her because we actually talk to each other and have a dialogue. We have a relationship. The nurse that called me last week? Well, she talks AT me, not TO me. That doesn’t sit well with me.

Out of the blue, she informed me that I had Diabetes. I was in shock. I get my blood tested regularly twice a year, and we don’t even test my sugar because it’s never been an issue. How could this happen? Well, she made it clear that I had better start making drastic changes immediately or the consequences could be dire.

I got talking about it with Summer and we agreed something didn’t quite sound right. For one thing, my doctor Grace would have called me directly herself if it were that serious. I just know she would have. I had called the office before I got my blood test done because I was prepping for a colonoscopy and hadn’t been able to eat anything for 24 hours. I did though, have to drink the prep stuff, plus plenty of ginger ale and gatorade. Wouldn’t that effect my glucose levels?

I called back the doc and asked for a retest. Today I saw her and got my results.  Glucose healthy range is 65-99. My first test came back 163. The second came back 98. Within normal.  Insulin serum healthy range is 2.0-19.6. My first test came back 37.9 (ouch!!). My second test came back 10.2. Well within normal.

Phew.

Now I didn’t appreciate having the crap scared out of me. But I love my doc and here is why. She just apologized. Without having a word said to her, she described the “bucket of mistakes” they made. I should have been told NOT to do the test to begin with. Nurse should not have called and scared the crap out of me. The ridiculous results should have been an automatic red flag to retest. Grace then reminded me that I have her personal cell number (which almost no one has) and that I can call her whenever I need to. She knows I won’t take advantage of her.

And the silver lining? I had to admit, that without the scare I wouldn’t have taken action. But now, I am “doing what Darcy always does” according to doc. I started getting educated. I’m making an appointment with a dietitian. I ordered an exercise bike (triple yuck).  I despise exercising but it is crucial to avoid diabetes. I have a dislocated clavicle which keeps me from doing any repetitive arm movements. I have cuboid syndrome on my feet (following surgery) and I’m unable to do aerobics, running, treadmills or elliptical machines. The only option I have is the bike.

So I am going to try hard to make some changes. Small and steady. But not in a panic, which is a much better place to be in. I prefer less drama, but I did need the kick in the pants.

Remember, we all make mistakes. I make more than my share, and as much as I am out in the public trying to advocate for managing the medical mess of a system that is out here, no one needs to be perfect. I have all the respect in the world for Grace because she just took responsibility and we immediately moved on. Thank you again dear friend and doc!


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Sing It Anyways

Thanks for all the love and concern from last week’s blog. And it may seem odd to say, but thank you to everyone who was able to be angry with us and for us. Pushing us to get over it was not helpful and it certainly was too soon. I don’t have a great update. Basically, there is nothing we can do because the laws are geared to help perps and not victims. We will have to cough up four grand to get a privacy fence if we want to continue to live here. We have had serious conversations as a family about moving, but for now the fence will have to do. I don’t think we could sell the house anyway without the fence because it is too obvious of an issue.

I considered last week’s blog a memo to the universe that we are done handling hard stuff here. Someone didn’t read it though because I got a call yesterday from my doctor’s office. The nurse informed me that I suddenly have full blown diabetes and need to make immediate changes for this life-long disease. What? Out of the blue? Obviously, they didn’t get the memo. However, due to a bunch of reasons I don’t want to take the time to write, I requested another test which I took this morning. Results will be in next week. I have legit reasons to suspect the test results they got might not have been accurate. I have postponed panic until the next set of results. (By the way, it is NOT helpful to tell people they just need to improve their diet or that diabetes isn’t a big deal. ESPECIALLY for those of us that have already been spent on handling ridiculous amounts of stress and loss. There is no simple life-long disease when you are already at the end of your rope.)

But the good news? Well, I am in a show that is opening tonight. It’s all music from Broadway shows. Last week I was quite panicked about it. I didn’t know how I could possibly get up on stage and sing and smile and be entertaining. I could barely function. I felt empty inside. I just told myself that it would have to be like all of those times I have to pull up my big girl pants and conduct counseling sessions. I just do it. I just have to. And most of the time, it ends up being as good for me as it is for my clients.

Three rehearsal nights this week, then three performances. Six out of seven days. How was I going to pull that off with all that other stress?

Turns out, it has been the best thing for me. You can’t really sing and stay down. It’s just not possible. Music feeds my soul. By the way, theater people (for the most part) are also extremely funny and entertaining to be around. Spending so much time there immersed in music has been healing for me. Or at the least, an excellent distraction from neighbors that hurt us and brand new diseases to learn all about.

I only get my parts right slightly more than half the time. So you should come see it. Either you will be impressed with yet another thing I can do, or you will get to laugh your ass off at me when I’m the only one that raises the wrong hand and then freaks out and makes it even more obvious that I screwed up. I already have my comedic lines ready for my duet in case I totally blow that one too. It’s in East Aurora at Hamlin Park, tonight and tomorrow at 8 pm, Sunday at 2:30. Come and forget about the tough stuff for a while.