Help for Healing

Bitter & Sweet, living daily with grief


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Fun with Ultrasound

You know my theory. Face the glass half-empty and then from that space, find the half-full. Caring for an aging parent can definitely be a taxing experience. But I have found some fun things that are happening because of caring for Dad. One big thing, is I’m spending a lot more time with my brother than I ever used to.

Dad had his follow-up ultrasound today so my brother Alex drove him out. Dad still drives, but only short distances. We drive over to the radiology center and who knew an ultrasound could lead to so many laughs? Dad and I sit down while Alex parks the truck. I go over to get a cup of tea and ask Dad if he wants some coffee. Now, Alex and I are actually pretty evil when it comes to being children. I know Dad likes his coffee, but I know he can’t have any until after his ultrasound. Alex comes in and he gets some coffee. We all sit down and Alex offers Dad a sip of his coffee. Like I said, we are equally pretty evil.

We get called back to register but there is only one seat. I would normally do Dad’s paperwork but they need his signature. I sit on Dad’s lap, but I know I will crush him. The nurse laughs and the rest of the paperwork is simple. Back to the waiting room. Dad hands me his phone. I look at Alex and hand it to him. I kind of like not being the number one person anymore. Alex is the one that spends more time with him and is taking him home. Alex pockets the phone and then says to Dad, “What about your wallet?” Evil. Entertaining for the people in the waiting room though.

After Dad goes back to the actual ultrasound, Alex and I decide to tell him when he gets out that we got bored waiting and went to breakfast without him. Not to worry. We let him know we were happy to go through a McDonald’s drive-thru for him.

Denny’s is our new favorite hang-out after medical appointments so off we went. Dad wants to sit in a booth so we get planted in the middle of “old person camp.” I tell him I am going to say hi to some friends I see and Alex says,”You have friends?” with great surprise in his voice.

Sitting next to Alex, I am dying because the old man behind me is blowing his nose so loudly it is turning my stomach. For whatever reason, Alex can’t even hear it which I find astounding. About five minutes later, the old man across from us starts blowing his nose. I look at Alex and we crack up. Shortly after that, Alex knocks my elbow off the table. I look at him and he nods at Dad. Sure enough, Dad pulls out his hanky and blows his nose. Alex and I are rolling on the floor by now.

Until Dad gets his bladder procedure done, the poor guy has to go to the bathroom every 10-15 minutes. The joke is old as dirt but after trip number one, I ask him, “Did everything come out ok?” The answer is yes with a slight smile. After trip number two, I ask, “Did you find it ok?” And the joke is on me this time. Dad looks at me without a pause and replies, “Yes, I have a string tied around it.” Now all three of us are rolling on the ground. My sister ended up calling right after that. We put her on speaker phone which livened things up even more.

Dad had a gift card and Alex picked up the rest of the tab and the tip. On the way home, I tell him I understand now why Dad prefers my brother drive. He always picks up the tab. When I’m with Dad, I always let him pick up the tab. I did say that I offer to pay on occasion, but I know he will say no and I only offer once. Either way, now that there is three of us, I’m about 99% guaranteed I am getting a free meal out of the gig.

Next week we go the cute surgeon’s again. Alex will be with us this time. God only knows what will happen.


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Millard Suburban

Part of my new career is talking about death/dying and grief/loss, and part of the goal is to help improve the medical system. I admit, I am hard to please when it comes to hospitals and doctors. It’s not because I’m cynical and picky, but I do honestly believe that our system is very, very broken.

When I went to Punta Cana for four days, so many people told me I needed to go for a whole week. Boy, would I love that. You barely get time to drop your guards down and it’s time to return. But I’m a single mom, a therapist, and I help take care of my dad. I just feel like I can’t be gone longer than that. And sure enough, there was one client emergency and my dad ended up in the hospital. Sigh.

Anyhow, I have to say, I love Millard Suburban Hospital. Dad has been there three times since April. Of course no person or entity is perfect, but I really like these guys. When I got the text about Dad, I started in right away. First I had to handle a situation for Frankie because obviously Dad wouldn’t be staying with him if he was in the hospital. Next was sorting out what was actually going on. Dad does his best to understand the medical stuff, but sometimes things get mixed-up. Everyone who was local was visiting him and trying to talk to doctors, but there was some confusion.

I called the hospital and explained my dilemma of being Dad’s medical advocate (as well as legal and financial) but that I was out of the country. I got a call back from the nurse practitioner. She remembered me and Dad from October’s stay. I immediately felt better. She did her best to explain what was going on. She also said he was stable and I didn’t need to get on a plane and come home. She also said she would call every day and let me know if there was any change.

She did exactly that. She even remembered to say “Happy Birthday” in her message on the day of my actual birthday. (She is turning 50 this year too!) She also had the surgeon call me directly. He explained things to me even further. He was able to clarify some of the more confusing aspects of what was happening, which turned out really just to be a clarification of terms. I told him that I was returning home Tuesday night but not until midnight. I asked if there was any way to keep Dad there until Wednesday so he was not released to his apartment where he lives alone. No problem.

He did exactly that.

I really appreciate this hospital. I figure I do enough complaining about all the bad stuff that happens, I wanted to acknowledge the good stuff that happens. I think I would like to go there if I ever have the need to be in a hospital. Thank you to all the staff who took such good care of a man who all of his family love very much. And thank you for bothering to care about a 50-year-old who was on a much-needed break. You put my mind at ease, which all the beautiful paradise-like sun in the world couldn’t have done if I was worried about my father. Kudos!

(P.S. For those of you that follow me on Facebook, yes! This is the same surgeon that I met in person when I got home and could barely concentrate because he was so handsome… Just another perk of the hospital!)