Help for Healing

Bitter & Sweet, living daily with grief


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There’s No Place Like Home

After what seemed like forever, Dad returned to his apartment last Saturday. Of course all the preparation was for naught because the promises made to me on Friday were only empty words. When I arrived to get him, the staff had no idea he was being discharged and the paperwork wasn’t even printed out. After several hiccups, he was finally in his own apartment.

It’s been a bit of a roller coaster since then. Three hours after going home, I came back to visit him and he was shaking like a leaf with a fever. After consulting with a nurse, he took some Tylenol and seemed back to himself. The next day, the visiting nurse came to see him. His blood pressure dropped from 120 down to 80 (top number) when he went from sitting to standing. I almost had a heart attack myself when she said she had called in to see if he should be sent to the hospital. Thank God the answer was no. We both would have freaked out.

The next morning we were able to meet his new doctor. I asked if we should increase his low blood pressure med. She suggested we keep an eye on it this week before adjusting anything. Later that day my boyfriend and I were going to walk the dog when I got a call from Dad. He wasn’t feeling good. We went right over and he said he was feeling dizzy. He tried to get up from his chair and almost fell. Thank goodness I caught him.  I had my boys come over right away to stay with him while I worked. Then we went back later. He was already sleeping by 8 pm but he seemed stable.

Tuesday came and the visiting nurse called and said his BP was low. She said she would let me know how it was on Thursday. That brings me to today. I went to see Dad in the morning and his PT person happened to come at the same time. I told him it was good timing because Dad was struggling to stand up from the chair. The visiting nurse and her assistant showed up too. This time Dad’s BP was 80. When he stood up, it dropped to 60/40.  Seven different medical people later managed to convince Dad to go to the emergency room. He did not want to go and I didn’t blame him. We both had a good cry. They suspect he is dehydrated.

As I write, I am in the emergency room with him. His blood pressure is up to 119 with no intervention, not even fluids. There has been no doctor to see him yet so I have no idea what is happening. The best case would be some IV fluids and back to his apartment.  My heart breaks for him. He’s a good man who has lived a good life. He has been ready for what is next for well over a year. Instead, this is his sixth hospital visit in the last 14 months.

The folks where he lives have been great. It is obvious that in the short time Dad has lived there, he has made an impression. He is so well liked and everyone is so concerned for him. They are responsive. I told them all that there is nothing to increase your appreciation more than to be forced to be somewhere else for a while. Here, people do their jobs well and still have common sense and compassion.

Say your prayers for us. Exhausted doesn’t cover it. And whatever I feel, I am quite sure Dad’s suffering is much worse. It’s physical, but it is also just so very emotional.

 

 

 

 

 


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Drama Free

I have said before that as an author/writer, I have really grown to appreciate those that can write fiction. I can really only write about things that happen in my life. I have no idea how people make up characters and plots from their imaginations. When I have something on my heart, I can whip up a blog in a very short time. It usually just flows easily for me.

Because of my personality type, I am also drawn to the melancholy. That is why I could write a book about death/dying and then grief/loss. Sure, I added humor and hope to it. That is also my personality. But let’s face it, the topic falls on the sad side of the spectrum.

Lately, I have been experiencing a lot less drama than I usually do. Drama free is a bit misleading, because I don’t think life is ever completely free from it. But I have certainly decreased my daily intake of it. Now, of course that is a very positive thing that I am extremely grateful for. However, everything in life has its loss and its gains, no matter what. The downside for me, is that I find it harder to write on Thursdays. When I don’t have any gut wrenching things going on, the writing doesn’t flow very easily. In fact, I sit and stare at a blank screen for a while.

I asked Frankie what I should write about and he said he had no idea. I told him to try and he said he can’t because he doesn’t care about my blog. Then he blabbered off something about how he’s just being honest and honesty is the best policy. Damn teenagers.

There has been plenty of changes and stresses around lately, but it hasn’t really been mine. I’m totally involved, but it doesn’t belong to me. Big difference. We have been helping my dad clean his house out (simplify things), work on his finances, and discussing the possibility of moving to an apartment. I come home from his house with tons of things to do, both physically and mentally. My sister is moving south so she is packing, selling things, and making all kinds of preparations for a very big anticipated change as well. I try to help when I can and be as creative as I can about how to do that.

I’ve been super busy. And sometimes I get stressed out. But overall? Not much drama.

I feel like my blogs have been pretty un-inspiring lately. I am grateful to all you faithful readers who read them anyway. And for those of you who know and love me personally, you can actually be happy that I am writing boring stuff, because it’s the heartache that usually inspires me. So stretch yourself and be glad for blah reading, cause it means I am in a shortage of drama to write about. I like it!