Help for Healing

Bitter & Sweet, living daily with grief


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Things Are Changing

There’s been a new feeling in the air. In spite of the rain and wind, there is warmth in the air. In spite of how dark it is when you first wake up, there is light peeking through. I think it’s change. And for a change, the change is positive. The change is happier than usual.

I have a teenage client I’ve been working with. She has formed her identity around being angst-filled and not liking people. Sometimes she has glimpses of a different life. I keep challenging her to stop defining herself as unhappy and depressed. What would happen if she allowed herself to feel connected? What if she wallowed in that and opened up her heart? As crazy as it might sound, I think it’s frightening to her. Even though she would rather be happy (of course), it would be unfamiliar to her. She knows sadness and loneliness. She understands it.

I think I can relate to her. I am the lonely widow. I am accident-prone. I am the one who has unlucky, bizarre things happen to her. I am the one that love seems to pass over. If there is a difficult way to achieve something in life, I will find that way.

But what if I re-defined myself? What if all that is changing? What if those people close to my heart were able to smile and say things like “I’m so happy for you” or “I’m so glad things are working out”? I am actually having fun catching up with people and watching their surprised (but happy) expressions when I tell them things are going well.

I’ve been doing the usual speaking engagements, but it seems like I am lecturing more than ever for some reason. I’ve been changing up my speeches a little, winging it a little more which leads to shooting from the hip. But it also leads to my talking more just from my heart. I am walking out more energized and inspired. I talked to a philosophy class this week at a college and it was one of the best ever. They were actually required to read my book so I can’t tell you the rush I felt when I walked in the room and saw my book on some of their desks. And these men and women challenged me. They asked me questions no one has ever asked me. Some of their questions stopped me in my tracks. But I loved it!

I got an email this week from another college looking for me to lecture. The big thing about that, was they sought me out. It wasn’t Brigitte or I following up week after week trying to get our foot in the door. They sought us. That is a rush too.

I got another email this week from a college asking if I would be interested in teaching at their school. I know that is not entirely uncommon, and I hear that it is often a way for them to get cheap labor. But I don’t care. Teaching has never entered my mind and I was completely surprised and flattered to be asked. How cool is that?

Let a little love in your heart. I know it’s scary. I know it’s vulnerable. I know there are no guarantees that you won’t get hurt in the end. But try anyway. It’s an amazing feeling to be alive again.