Help for Healing

Bitter & Sweet, living daily with grief


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Music

“Music is my life and I want to sing it, Music is my life and I want to share it, Music makes my life worthwhile.”

I will get into copyright trouble for quoting that without the author’s permission, but those are lyrics I remember from fifth grade chorus and it still pops into my head.

Frankie had his first band concert last night. He plays the tenor sax. It’s almost as big as he is. He was in the back row behind a snare drum and warned us we probably wouldn’t be able to see him. He was right. Couldn’t even see a hair on his head. But I recorded it all and loved every minute. I have such warm memories of concerts and music growing up. Who would have thought I’d be watching my own kid someday? And yes, I wondered a couple of times if Tim was watching from wherever he is. I just came across a journal entry I wrote in 2011 where Frankie said he thought his dad lived in a castle with lots of windows. Each window represented someone Tim loved. So if Tim wanted to watch Frankie’s concert, he just had to look out the “Frankie window.” I was imagining that last night as I recorded the concert.

A couple of years ago, I resigned as a music director from a church I loved very, very deeply after seven years of working with them. It was ridiculously sad and I’ve done nothing but flounder around trying to find a place for Frankie and I to attend since then.

Our neighbor is a pastor of a Baptist church. While I’m not a Baptist anymore in a theological sense, we have enjoyed going there. They have been slowly and patiently trying to get me to participate over the last year. The band has actually agreed to alter their practice schedule to accomodate mine. After a long talk with the pastor about all my fears, I finally agreed to a six week trial.

Music is such a deeply spiritual activity. I know I’ve missed it. As I watched all those kids on stage last night, I was very grateful that someone has pursued me again and encouraged me to use my gifts. He predicts in six weeks I will no longer be fearful, but actually be excited to be going to church again!

So our house is going to grow musically again and I think that’s a great thing. Music does help to make life worthwhile!