Help for Healing

Bitter & Sweet, living daily with grief


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Men

Well, I am starting to come to terms with the possibility of remaining single. I don’t know the future of course, but I am trying to see the glass half full part. I’ve always been aware of the half empty part when it comes to not having a partner, but sometimes I can see that it might be easier to remain alone.

I have blogged often about some of the trials and tribulations of dating. My second book has a chapter dedicated to dating. I have often said that men have no special link to craziness. I talk to men all the time that have equally crazy stories about women. My experience is with dating men of course, so I thought for a change I would write about some truly GREAT thoughts about men. (No, that is not written with sarcasm.)

The old Girl Scout song says, “Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold.” At my age, more and more of my friends are silver… or else bald.

Anyhow, John is my newest friend. I borrowed his cowboy hat at Karaoke one night and now here we are. John and I are friends, and one of the nicest things is that we are not dating so I can say he does all these lovely things just because he is a good guy and for no other reason. He has been off work so he claims he is bored and needs things to do. I suspect, though, that he would help me anyway. Last weekend, he picked me up on Friday night and took me to dinner. My dad had been in the hospital overnight and I was exhausted and stressed out. He got me just to “get me out of the house” which was exactly what I needed. On Sunday, he brought lunch for me as well as Colin and Frankie. They were boneless barbecue pork chops and they were yummy. Then he helped me in my yard for several hours. I got so many tasks done on my daunting list and that was incredible. After that? He let me drive his sleek Corvette and we got the largest peanut butter ice cream sundae I have ever seen. You rock, John! Oh, that’s right. I’m not done. On Monday, he still had some time so he brought me lunch AGAIN and helped me several more hours. Thank you, my friend! I do hope when you are in need, you will let me return your kindness.

And then there is Richard. We dated briefly last year. His work is seasonal, but he is still available when he is working. Right now, he is not working as much so again, he never seems to not be around for emotional support. I could call him at 3:00 AM and he would answer. We talk for hours sometimes. I listen to him as well, but usually I feel like he listens to me with the patience of a saint. He never gets overwhelmed by me or my life, and has wise advice to offer. He has a new girlfriend now and I am very happy for him. He has become a dear friend and a true emotional support.

I’ve blogged about Mike several times. You may not have known it because I didn’t always name him, but I’ve written about him. We have dated on and off for a couple of years. Now we have settled into a deep friendship. We would both say like best friends most of the time. We are polar opposites in many, many ways but I have managed to learn a tremendous amount from him. One of the biggest things is his encouragement to take care of myself. He has helped me have better boundaries in my life. He has helped me to learn not to be taken advantage of so much. I have learned to own my anger. Things can get a little feisty with him as you can imagine, but he is usually the first person I think to call when almost anything happens in my life. He has been a great companion, too. He lives nearby so we often walk Taffy together, or get groceries, run errands, etc.. He also makes me laugh my ass off. You know I love you to pieces, Michael!

Mark is the one I have known the longest. He and I dated on and off for about 18 months. Now? Well, I can best describe him by saying he is a true and loyal brother. Mark has a kind and gentle spirit. He is as dependable as the sun rising. He has his own timetable, but he always gets there. He is the graphic artist for Baby Coop Publishing. And he is the main handyman around my house. He shoveled snow off my roof with me during Snowvember last year. He has done about a thousand projects on my house. I have inherited his family as well. His parents look at Frankie like one of their own grandchildren. His sister and brother-in-law are dear friends of mine. I still share lots of holidays with all of them. He is family. Simple as that.

Mark is the one that said this is how relationships are supposed to be. We tried a dating relationship but that didn’t work out. That doesn’t mean you don’t care about each other anymore. I may not have found a life partner, but I have some very wonderful men in my life. Too many times, break-ups are ugly and contentious. I’ve had plenty of those too, but I wouldn’t trade these guys for anything. Single isn’t entirely horrible…