Help for Healing

Bitter & Sweet, living daily with grief


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Re-read and Re-write

It’s been six years since Bitter and Sweet was published. I have some speaking engagements coming up so believe or not, I decided to read my own books. I can remember the really big things, but there are lots of details that I don’t recall anymore. It’s been an interesting process, to say the least.

True to my self-critical form, I have to admit I’m disappointed at times. First of all, I can’t believe some things were missed typing or grammatically speaking. They are small things, but geeze! It was edited and checked over and over and over. How did we still miss things?

There are things about the layout I don’t care for. Margins should have been bigger. I use the word “that” too often. Reviews said there were too many redundant guestbook entries. Boy, were they right.

Once in awhile, I do come across a statement or paragraph where I think, “Nicely done” or “Now that was pretty poignant/powerful.” I would really like to edit another edition, but it’s too daunting a task. First of all, my graphic artist no longer has the computer program to do it. Secondly, I think you need to purchase new ISBN numbers whenever you do another edition. That opens another whole can of worms.

Right now, I am in the middle of Bitter and Sweet. I just got to the chapter where we discovered Tim was not getting better and cancer had spread everywhere. I got lost in the story and couldn’t put it down. That sounds goofy, I know, but it was an odd emotional experience. In some ways, I felt detached and like I was reading it like any other person and I couldn’t stop myself from turning the page to find out what was next. On the other hand, I know how intricately I am attached to every word and I can’t believe we went through it.

It will be interesting to keep this going and then tackle the second book. I may not blog again about this, but if I do, I promise no spoiler alerts once I get to the ending!


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Thanks, Lisa!

I have been thinking about how negative my thoughts (and therefore my blogs) have been lately, but honestly have had a hard time coming up with anything positive. Then I got this email today and cried my eyes out. Some of you may remember a blog quite a while ago that was written by David Breth. He wrote a very moving story about taking our Frankie to a hockey game while Tim was sick. I included it in the second book (which came out last week) with his permission. I joke with him all the time because his writing got more response from the editors than mine! Anyhow, I saw his wife yesterday and she bought the new book and sent me this incredible email and gave me permission to share it with you.

“I bought your book to give to David. I knew I wanted to read it too…but WOW! It is soooo good! You are AMAZING! I knew I would have a hard time reading it, but knew I would anyhow. I just didn’t think it would be so fast and I didn’t think it would be now, just seven days till Christmas! I started it last night during my daughter’s piano lesson and only planned to read the introduction…but I could not stop. I finished 38 pages during her 30 minute lesson! I should also tell you, I was looking forward to reading a book I had just renewed at the library, since I was just getting to a very exciting part of the book. So much for my plans. As soon as I started reading yours, I was transported back to those last few months with Tim, and the months after losing him. Not only do I remember reading the blogs when you first wrote them, I remember all those “moments” in your and Frankie’s life too.

I went to bed too late last night – almost ruined the surprise by telling David I wanted to go read more of your book, but managed to keep it hidden. Today I don’t go in to work till 1 pm and I got to stay in bed and read. Ok, so now I am starting at page 38 and you guessed it. I read David’s telling of the hockey game. Mind you I have read it before, talked to him and you about it, lived through it, and even laughed at how jealous you are of the way everyone calls attention to it. But I bawled my eyes out reading it! I can just hear him telling the story in his voice with all the crazy sayings and wincing yet again at his choice of the words about Frankie “chirping”… but it was so good. Thank you for including it and giving me the perfect gift for him for Christmas!

Keep in mind just yesterday I was trashing him (and all men) at work about how they do hardly anything at Christmas to get ALL THE THINGS done that everyone expects done during the holiday season. And how hard it is to get it all done while they sleep on the couch or chair each night! But in my heart, I know my husband is one of the GOOD GUYS and he will be responsible for all the special moments on Christmas day…and still continue to surprise and delight me and the kids. Thanks for reminding me of that.

I am so proud of him for “being there” for you and Frankie and so grateful you feel and know that! It is something that is so important to him and me that you all know that we as a family love and support you! Whether it is just listening when you call to just “vent” or taking you away on that tough weekend each year to be silly and crazy for a “MOM Break.” We are so grateful to be part of your family and support network. You have taught my kids more by just being you during the pain and loss, and moving on in grief than you will ever know. You CAN DO THIS! Because you are doing this! There may be stumbling blocks, and life is crazy, but you keep going with a smile on your face- and lots of warm hugs too! I am so amazed that you continue to find ways to speak about this to many others whether one on one or in your seminars… and do it so well. When I was a Youth Minister there was a saying- you may never see the garden made of the seeds you are planting, but it will be beautiful! It made working with moody and sometimes difficult teens a little easier. And since then I have been lucky enough to see some of the “seeds” I helped plant, make those same teens into wonderful adults and parents!

You are going to help so many more than just those of us lucky enough to be in your support network. Your beautiful and honest words of how loss and grief “SUCKS” will help so many. You are truly a “GIFT” to my family and me, and I look forward to hearing how much of a “GIFT” your honesty and bluntness will help so many others! The garden you are planting with the “seeds” of wisdom in this book is going to be the most beautiful garden ever…with a hummingbird watching over it!

SO SO Proud of you! This book is even better than the first! And sorry to tell you…I still think there will be more books in you. I know how you agonize over every word, the editing process, and Baby Coop Publishing, but it is worth it! It’s WONDERFUL!”

Lisa, looks like there are at least two writers in your family. I can’t thank you enough. This second book was a struggle and I second-guessed myself all the way through it, no pun intended. I am humbled, and grateful. And my blog readers are thankful for the boost in spirit :)!


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December Madness

Who doesn’t have a bit of lunacy in their life during the month of December? I know I’ve been burning the candle at both ends. This morning I woke up and thought I must have burned my proverbial fingertips from doing it one day longer than I could handle.

Thanks to Snovember (actually, my friend said it was more like Snopocalypse) the last couple of weeks have lots of added time spent in cleaning up the messes. Trying to clean up frozen leaves and repair frozen lawn patches was pretty much futile. The inside of the house has been chaos. You know how it is when you are doing repairs. Drop cloths, pans, brushes, sanders, blah blah blah are everywhere.

While I was looking for supplies, I realized I had about two million paint cans in my basement. In all my brilliancy, I thought it was a perfect time to get those organized and patch up all the spots around my house that I’ve ignored. I patched about 10 nail holes in my stairway, sanded, patched, sanded and was finally ready for painting. Yippee. But then I discovered the paint had dried up. Now I have big patched spots that can no longer be ignored.

That’s ok though. An organized, Type A like me has dutifully kept a computer record of every freaking paint formula that has ever been used in my house. I just dreaded making my 60th trip to Home Depot for the week. Guess what? They have changed over paint systems. Doesn’t matter how much information you have, the formulas and names have all been altered so there is no way to re-create the color. Are you freaking kidding me?

Poor Colin had to dig through the garbage and find the can. While I was out doing other fruitless, dead-end errands, he brought the old can to Home Depot for me. When I got back there, I found out they were able to dig up enough old paint to do a color match. Still haven’t done it even though I have the paint now. I can’t believe how the days fly by. I am busy from 6 AM til 10 PM every night but the list never seems to get smaller. Can you relate?

That’s just one story. I could write about a dozen more. So on top of Christmas shopping, having Christmas at my house this year, repairing the house and yard from storms, and owning four businesses, I also am trying to release my second book. You may wonder why I would time it for now. Am I glutton for punishment? Well, considering that my original release date was in March, I’m just a tiny bit behind the eight ball… LOL.

The graphic artist is changing the last five errors I found now as I write. Still hoping to get it downloaded before the 5 PM Friday deadline. Otherwise, they are closed on the weekends so we are looking at next week.

But hey, I am an expert on cutting and pasting, so all is not lost. I have very long to-do lists that I know how to cut from today’s date and paste them on tomorrow’s date. Is that skill marketable?